Let's Talk About Death Baby, Let's Talk About You And Me . . .

Hmm doesn't sound as nice as Salt n Pepa's version and much harder to talk about than sex.  As new ideas about living and death start filling my head I've realized that finding someone to talk to about it is impossible.  When I bring it up to my husband he just frowns and says "You're not going to die" and walks away.  This is pretty much the response I get from most people.  No one wants to throw the "d" word around and they definitely don't want to get into a deep conversation about it.  I finally lamented to my mother that no one wants to listen and to my surprise she offered to talk to me about it.  Now I love my mother to pieces but the one thing I don't want to do is make her cry.  She's not a crier in fact I only remember her crying once, but the thought of starting this conversation and making her upset is enough to make me hesitant (I'm probably not giving my mom enough credit).  This also brings up the issue that I should probably see a therapist.
After a late night conversation with a friend about our life changes (my cancer, her divorce).  We were saying how our friends don't really understand how traumatizing the whole thing can be.  I told her we should call each other and talk about our problems and she said she had a therapist for that and I should get one too.  So its on my to do list right under hypnotherapist because being hypnotized sounds way more fun.

Welcome

 I was diagnosed this year with a very advanced rare terminal cancer.  I have been very adamant right from the start that I wasn't going to die, but I started thinking what if I did die?  I'm not one to go into things without a Plan B and I usually decide before hand that if Plan B occurs I will be ok with it.  This has always served me well and I've always been happy with my life choices.  So if I use this theory on cancer I would have to come up with a Plan B for living (which would be dying) and I would have to be ok with this outcome.  The first time I thought about it I was horrified.  How can I be ok with dying? I'm not sure, but as this idea takes shape in my mind I'm getting signs from the universe that this is possible. This is also making me reassess Plan A.  Could I live more awesomely then I do now?  I'm very excited by this project and feel I'm on to something and if I'm not? well at least this is keeping me from watching another rerun of the Jersey Shore!